Cruel, cruel fate

Because a good joke deserves to be heard twice.







To my credit though, I did not choke the second time. By the time we got heads up, the other guy had me out-chipped 69k to 9k. I would have needed to double up twice just to get even with him and when a KQo can't beat a T7o, it's just not your night.


Edit (4/5/09): I think I'm going to be sick.





Making sick plays like this:



PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, $400+$25 Tournament, 300/600 Blinds 50 Ante (2 handed)



Hero (SB) (t26590)

Villain (Button) (t33410)



Hero's M: 26.59



Preflop: Hero is SB with 6, 6

Villain bets t1800, Hero calls t1200



Flop: (t3700) 5, 9, 5 (2 players)

Hero bets t2400, Villain raises to t6000, Hero calls t3600



Turn: (t15700) 2 (2 players)

Hero checks, Villain bets t4200, Hero raises to t18740 (All-In), 1 fold



Total pot: t24100



Results:

Hero didn't show 6, 6 (nothing).

Outcome: Hero won t24100




Only to lose to this bullshit:



PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, $400+$25 Tournament, 300/600 Blinds 50 Ante (2 handed)



Hero (SB) (t34340)

Villain (Button) (t25660)



Hero's M: 34.34



Preflop: Hero is SB with A, A

Villain bets t1800, Hero raises to t4200, Villain calls t2400



Flop: (t8500) 6, 3, 2 (2 players)

Hero bets t4200, Villain calls t4200



Turn: (t16900) 7 (2 players)

Hero bets t25890 (All-In), Villain calls t17210 (All-In)



River: (t51320) 8 (2 players, 2 all-in)



Total pot: t51320



Results:

Villain had 4, 5 (flush, seven high).

Hero had A, A (one pair, Aces).

Outcome: Villain won t51320

My Mom is a Fob

Today's "My Mom is a Fob" moment:

Mom: What's the name of your company again?
Me: SodaHead
Mom: Oh, like the shampoo?
Me: Huh?
Mom: That's the name of a shampoo company.
Me: Oh, Shoulder Head. You're thinking of Head and Shoulders. My company is called SodaHead.
Mom: It's different?
Me: Yeah, "soda" as in Coca-Cola.
Mom: And "head"?
Me: That part's the same.

Bringing home the bacon

For persistent people like me, Meat Boy can really eat up your time. After beating the original game, I took on the map pack, a collection of user-submitted levels that proved more devious than the original set. After two sessions of playing, I haven't beaten half the levels, but I got what I came for: one of the toughest hard badges on Kongregate.




In degenerate gambling news, I let Tatum talk himself into a parlay bet for the "Rampage" Jackson/Keith Jardine fight. Ok, so get this. I gave him 9 to 1 odds if there was a groin kick in the match and Rampage wins in the second round. Of course, with my twisted luck in sports betting, there are no easy bets. I swear, almost every sports bet I make comes down to the wire. So, lo and behold, Jardine kicks Rampage in the groin in a troubled second round for him and fulfills the hard half of the bet. But somehow, despite whiffing punches and stumbling around the ring, Jardine survived the second round and I got my dinner subsidized.

Beat the Meat

I just beat Meat Boy, a difficult platform game. The plot is straightforward enough: Dr. Fetus has kidnapped Band-Aid Girl and you, Meat Boy, have to go through many hellish levels to save her. Like the notoriously difficult game "I Wanna Be the Guy", "Meat Boy" has very simple controls and gives the player an infinite number of lives. That way, it's only really Game Over when you throw your computer out of the window in frustration. Luckily, "Meat Boy" is much easier than IWBTG in that there are no surprise death traps. "Meat Boy" also has a very merciful setup where you only have to beat 3 out of 5 levels in a set to advance to the next set of five levels. However, I tried not to take the wuss' path and I ended up beating every level except for two. Give "Meat Boy" a shot. It's co-designed by a guy named Edmund, so you know it's amazing. Well, it's definitely not every gamer's cup of tea, but it is immensely satisfying to beat the game for those with the patience and reflexes to get through it.

Meat Boy jumps over a pool of salt on his way to rescue Band-Aid Girl.


Here are some videos of "I Wanna Be the Guy" just so you have an idea of how insanely difficult it is. This player actually makes it look easier than it really is because he has already memorized every trap. In "Meat Boy" your character can jump off walls. In IWBTG, the character can do a double jump.